Dear Person I am Inside

27 Jan

Dear person I am inside,

This summer has been crap. I just wanted to let you know that. I wish the pit in my stomach would go away, but I don’t think it ever will. This week just served to push everything over the edge. I HATE LIFE right now. The only thing keeping me going is that I know suicide is never the answer, but it would stop the pain, wouldn’t it? What’s worse is everyone thinks I’m ok. NEWS FLASH: I’m not. Open your freaking eyes and see something that doesn’t involve you! God, I hate people.

This might sound dramatic, but how will I ever get over this crappy summer. I’ve been chewed up and puked out and then my heart ripped from my chest and sewed back in without anesthesia. Fun? I don’t think so! Thank you, everyone, for caring…not. I just wish someone would notice me, just anyone ask me how I really am and care enough to know the person I am inside. Please someday will I have that? I wish I could say I still believe that…I but my trust that everything will turn out okay or that anyone cares is slowly fading away.

Until then,

The person everyone sees outside

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Dear Grandad, sorry I’m carrying on…

26 Jan

Dear Grandad

Im sorry I find it so hard to visit grandma, sit in those fields you used to take us to, eat Mars bars, peaches and porridge, to look at a sheep and not think of you telling me when you died if you come back you’d be a sheep, for not being able to step into a Thorntons without being so sad I have to leave again or even go to a park especially Stratford park anymore. I’m sorry I’ve carried on living, working and being ok. Today I am most sorry for letting my sprained ankle get the better of me and using it as an excuse because my heart is actually broken by you dying!!!! Why did you die???? Why did you leave me???? us????? and so close to my 20th birthday and christmas. Everyone is already talking about me having a joint 21st with my fiance but tbh I dont want to because you wont be there, you wont see me get married, see your great grandkids, teach them how to play donkey, spoons, solitaire, you endured hours of borad games, piggy back rides, autum walks, dressing dolls, toy shops, art shops, seaside weekend sleepovers and cheeky overexcited grandchildren on boxing and christmas days. You threw us parties, ate every cake we made, let us into the secret of the Mars bar tree, the monkeys in the desolate house where you told us we belonged when we were really young. When we were little we used to play up at home time from weekend dinners, wouldn’t let our paretns read to us because they were nothing compared to you.

I’m sorry I ceased to visit you as I got older, but I never ceased to love you and still do now.

I miss you soo much grandad

Elixxx

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Dear World, I’ve had enough…

26 Jan

Dear World,

I’ve had enough…please stop. Please…please….please! Please stop it.

Love,

A spot in the world

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Dear Ohio, if you’re reading this…

25 Jan

Dear Ohio,

I still miss you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I wonder how you’ve been. I know that you have a baby now and you’re probably happy, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’ve tried looking looking for you on the internet, but all of the searching has failed. Yesterday I thought about you and cried, it’s nothing new. And if somehow you’re reading this, which you probably never will. Know that you were the first person I ever loved and I would love to hear from you again.

Love always,

West Virginia

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Dear Rebecca, I shall hold you in my heart…

23 Jan

Rebecca,

It’s going to be hard, days at a time when we can’t speak, times we both could do without the jealousy and heartache. But when the day comes, we shall be happy together. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again, to feel you, your warm skin, your soft lips, your smell, your presence in my life. I can’t wait to look into your eyes and see your soul once more. Until that day comes, I shall hold you in my heart and wait, for you are my love, you complete me…entire.

I will always love you,

Joseph

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Dear You, why do you have to be a guy?

22 Jan

Dear You,

Most of all, I’m sorry that you’ve put your trust into me. The trust that you put amidst that night we just spent drinking and telling each other’s secrets. The trust you gave during those conversations when you didn’t have anyone else to talk to. The trust that made me fall for you. And I have no idea why it did, and why I did. I’ve loved her, and I’ve loved another her. But why do I love you? Why do you have to be a guy?

From,

Me

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Dear God, please take my husband…

21 Jan

Dear God,

Please take my husband.  He hasn’t changed.  He is still drinking.  He is still hurting me.  Please intervene.  Please help me because I can’t make this better, and I’m not strong enough to getaway.

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Dear Ex-Boyfriend’s Little Sister

21 Jan

Dear the ex boyfriend’s little sister,

Do you enjoy verbally abusing me?

Do you enjoy being three years younger than me and yet shouting silly comments at me that shouldn’t get to me but do?

Do you enjoy being thirteen and losing your virginity?

Do you enjoy calling me a ‘slag’?

Do you enjoy being caught by the police?

Do you enjoy smoking?

Do you enjoy hanging with the ones who will have children before they’re my age?

Do you enjoy waiting outside my house for me to come home?

Do you enjoy hanging with all the ‘rough’ kids that are well known by the police and teachers within your school?

Do you enjoy bullying a sixth form student?

Do you enjoy the pain you cause me?

Do you enjoy bonding with your brother by bitching about me?

Do you enjoy making me cry?

Do you enjoy seeing my cuts and scars?

Do you enjoy watching me come out of counsiling?

Do you enjoy knowing your brother is cheating on more girls now I am gone?

Do you enjoy watching me get into my soon-to-be boyfriends car?

Do you enjoy watching me become a stronger person?

Do you enjoy getting taken away by the cops?

Do you enjoy building a stronger relationship with my parents as your own falls apart?

Do you enjoy every teacher in school knowing what you’re doing?

Do you enjoy being kicked out your own house because they can’t cope with you?

Do you enjoy being you? Yeah? Lets see how much you regret it when you end up like your brother. Cheating in every relationship you get into. If you think that’s a way to live, Darling then you have no idea.

 

I asked for help.

I’m getting help.

And I’m outta here.

The ex girlfriend.

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Dear Bullied Kid, you can get through this..

19 Jan

Dear bullied kid,

Being bullied for 4 years (all three years of middle school and my freshmen year in high school) I remember being called ugly, fat etc. It reallly hurt.  It got to a point where I was admitted into a hospital. Those words really hurt me, and now everyone is trying to justify bullying in my area by saying, “Oh, he’s just insecure or oh, she’s just weird,” but really words hurt, and they kill. Depression sucked for me; I’m glad I’m almost out of that hard time in my life, but I still get flashbacks. You can get through this. When I was called ugly I believed them. The funny thing is that I’m a model now and am confident in myself. With a psychologist and loving friends I got through this hard time.

Sincerely Allie

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Dear All of You, I’m taking the easy way out…

18 Jan

Dear all of you,

I’m a selfish coward.

I’m taking the easy way out, and I can’t imagine how much it will hurt you.  I don’t deserve to live, and I can’t live this way anyway.  It’s all over now.

I love you, and I’m sorry.  There’s nothing you could have done.  I hope you’ll understand.

Please do two last things for me.

Forgive me.

And remember me.

All my love.

 

If any readers are feeling hopeless, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. There is always hope for a better tomorrow.

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