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Dear Mom

13 Aug

Dear Mom,
Why do you hate me? Why do you say you care but constantly push me away? Why do you always try to take away the things in my life that make me the happiest? Why am I such a ” hoe, whore, bitch ” in your eyes? I know we all say things when were mad, but there’s only so much I can take. You are so mean, so cold, so angry. I tried to mend what we had, but you refused. I don’t want any of it anymore. I just need my answers so I can go about my life. I can’t take the pain of not knowing. I’m sorry I was born. I’m sorry I am here, living & breathing. You are the reason why I feen to feel the cold blade against my skin, but I refuse. I refuse to let you bring me down again. Ha, who am I kidding? Because of you I wish I died that night I tried to kill myself.
Fuck you, you’re slut of a daughter. HA.

Dear Reader…Stay Strong :)

7 Dec

Dear reader, <3
No matter who you or are where your from; no matter how many tears you’ve cried, how many memories you have remembered, no matter what has happened in your life, despite of looks to age, I want you to know something.  I know what it’s like to feel like an outcast. To feel like you don’t belong anywhere, and you never have enough friends. I know what it’s like to be hurt. Heartbroken. Bullied endlessly. I know what it’s like to feel like you can do nothing right, or to feel like this is all too much to take on. But I want you to know I’m here for you. No matter if you feel rejected, hurt, afraid, angry, disappointed, lost, depressed, lonely, isolated, to any other problem, you are an amazing person. I know its hard to be yourself in a world trying to make you like everyone else, but staying true to who you are is even more important. The remarks people have made about you are not true. I don’t even have to know you that well, in order to see that you are worth somebody’s attention to the potential your life possesses. You are not just anyone. You are You. And that is beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Sometimes in life we have to go through the hardest times in order to truly get to where we belong. I know it is so hard to be so strong even at a young age. I’m in high-school, and I understand with experience how hard it can be. If you feel like you can’t escape and using self harm is a way to cope, I need you to know this. Even though I have never self harmed myself, I can tell you this. Every time you reach for that blade or any other object like that, I want you to look in the mirror. And say you are somebody who’s going far in life. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are You. And nothing will ever chance that. To those feeling alone, you are never alone. Sometimes it’s good to be alone sometimes, you become your best friend. You truly learn to love yourself, and have a self-confidence not many earn. But remember that many friends and family are always here for you. It is okay to feel like you are lost or even broken, but the thing is, you are never going to be that way forever. The past does not define who you are. Not even the worst mistakes. You can turn your life around with just one smile, to just one thought. To anyone going through a rough time, who feels like the hardship just won’t win. I want you to know, you aren’t the only one. You are such an amazing person who is so strong and smart. You know who you are and not many people seem to these days. I hope who ever reads this feels better about themselves and start’s to smile. Because to me, anything makes a difference. I know what it’s like to be bullied to going through my parent’s divorce, re-marriage to my sibling and father’s depression, and many many unforgettable times. I just need you to know that you are truly beautiful inside and out. Never forget that. Stay strong (:

Dear You (Yes, YOU)

18 Nov

Dear You, (yes, you)

Let me start off this by telling you that if you’re currently considering taking your own life, I’m writing this letter in the hopes that you will listen so that you won’t go through with it.

I’m writing this for the lost, the misguided, the hurt, the confused and the lonely. This is for the depressed whose feelings worsen with each passing day … The outcast who goes off to sit alone and each their lunch away from the cafeteria. This letter is for those who cry in private for fear of letting someone publicly see their tears. This letter is for the bullied and the broken, for the self-harmers who battle daily to overcome.

This letter is for all those who have been left out, alienated, ostracized, belittled, shamed and shunned. For all of you – young, adult, old and in between – who feel like no one hears your silent pain. For all of you who feel like the daily pressures of life and all the stresses that come with it are just too much.

This letter is for all of you.

I hear you. And I understand.

I know that it might be hard for you to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I know that what you’re feeling right now is unbearable. I’ve been there. So allow me to speak from experience.

Whatever you’re going through emotionally? It will pass. I’m sure that fact is difficult to believe because you’re in the middle of your tough situation. But it will fade, because pain is only temporary. And suicide is NOT a way out.

Please consider for a moment those who love and care about you. How would they feel, losing someone so close to them so abruptly? How would they feel knowing your life was snatched away without warning? How would they deal with the aftermath?

A dear friend of mine took his life and I will always, always miss him. I still deal with feelings of confusion, anger and deep sadness. I still wonder why … And what more I could have done for him.

In the past, I was the victim of vicious bullying for a grueling couple of years. I felt like I was trapped. I wanted it all to end. I was desperately searching for an escape. And yes, suicide was an option that I heavily considered. I was drowning in my sorrow and I tried to take my own life.

But just think if I had gone through with it.

I would never have become such a passionate person who speaks out so strongly against bullying and cyber-bullying. Just think if I had gone through with killing myself. I wouldn’t be here, penning this letter in an attempt to reach you right now.

You have a purpose in life. That very sentence might be hard for you to put your faith in because of what you’re going through right now. But you do have a reason for being on this Earth. You might not have discovered that specific reason yet … but if you go through with suicide? You’ll be cheating yourself – and the World – from finding out what that true purpose is.

Your life has meaning. Your soul is priceless! Priceless.

And I realize it’s hard … but life carries both the sweet and the sour. Be easy on yourself, we all struggle. Take things one day at a time. Every second that we are alive is another chance to turn it all around. Please don’t give in and cut your days short before you’ve truly, truly had a chance to live!

I made it through some of the darkest times in my life and I’m still here. Stand with me and show that you’re a Survivor, too. Just know I’m wishing you the best … whenever and wherever you are.

And if you ever need a listening ear? I’m here.

Hope exists.

Love & light! xo – Simply Undrea

Dearest Kiley, You saved my life…

29 Sep

Dearest Kiley,
You remember our senior year of high school? On yearbook staff? We were sitting in the corner of that back room, nearest the door. And like typical yearbook staffers, we were not working on the yearbook. We were just chatting, like we always did, and somehow suicide came up. And I don’t know what made you say it, but you said, “If you ever kill yourself, I’m going to punch your corpse at the funeral.”
It was at that moment, when I was 17 years old, that I realized — for the first time since I was ten and made the plans — that I could not kill myself when I turned 18. That it would be a travesty to those who know and love me. I had never known it before then. Before that day, mere months before my eighteenth birthday, the plan had been to off myself on the 22nd of December. And it would have been so easy.
But you, Kiley, you made such a huge impact on my life and how I viewed it that day. I don’t know if I ever told you, but I know I should have. We are no longer close and I don’t believe you feel so strongly about my death as you once did, but I owe you the greatest thank you. Thank you.
Love,
Rachel

Dear Andy, I forgive you…

12 Mar

Dear Andy,

I forgive you. You broke my heart countless times, you made me cry, made me doubt myself, and left me for someone else. But, in the process you showed me the meaning of family, of what it means to have a home, and what it takes to love myself. I just hope that you can find this out for yourself before you lose yourself too much…to the hate, to the drugs, to whatever it was that made you leave. I pray that it doesn’t take hitting rock bottom for you to realize what it is you’re doing to your family and friends.

We love you, come back…

Dear Me, don’t fall…

17 Feb

Dear me,

Stop.  Don’t fall back into this hole you’re letting yourself get into again. The self-injury, the OTC drug abuse, the starvation.  You’re worth so much more than this.  You’re a strong and beautiful young woman, and if you stop letting yourself believe it, you’ll be that greasy, scarred, weak mess again.  And you do not want that.  Remember that.

Love, Me

Dear All of You, I’m taking the easy way out…

18 Jan

Dear all of you,

I’m a selfish coward.

I’m taking the easy way out, and I can’t imagine how much it will hurt you.  I don’t deserve to live, and I can’t live this way anyway.  It’s all over now.

I love you, and I’m sorry.  There’s nothing you could have done.  I hope you’ll understand.

Please do two last things for me.

Forgive me.

And remember me.

All my love.

 

If any readers are feeling hopeless, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. There is always hope for a better tomorrow.

Dear Radiohead and Thom Yorke, I can find the strength..

15 Jan

Dear Radiohead and Thom Yorke,

For years I have been riddled with crippling depression and suicidal thoughts.  I have laid in my bed, silently, unmoving, for hours, days, too sad to do anything. Your music, your countless songs, so powerfully sad, have helped me through those times.  When I lay in my bed like that, I can find enough strength to play OK Computer or In Rainbows. And that may be the only thing I can find the strength to do, but it’s something. Songs like “Videotape” don’t make me feel better, not by a long shot, but they do make me feel.  And that’s a huge step.  Thank you.

Dear Me, you’re still here…

13 Jan

Dear me,

You’re 19 today. It’s been a full year since you vowed to kill yourself, and you’re still here. Happy birthday.

Love,

Me

Follow @LOVEISLOUDER and @UnwrittenLetter on Twitter

Dear High School

8 Dec

dear b.p high school

Hi, I want to let you know how I’m getting on now, I hope you dont mind!!
Very luckily in my 2nd high school, I found the misfits there were much more normal and not really misfits, and they became my friends, I found the band that saved my life, but I also found the habit I’d undertaken whilst attending you grew so much stronger. I cut  at least 4 times a day, and that kept growing and growing until at one point in my life I was having to cut every hour or two. I still have the scars now nearly 7 years on, they make the pain real, and I still relive it sometimes.
After high school I went to college for a year where they found my ‘illness’ and encouraged me to go and get help, but I never did. Every day the pain would shoot through me at the sight of one of you, on the most part I escaped with a cocktail of vodka, weed and tobacco smoke. But still all that achieved was getting me told never to come back afterward.
But after college and high school with a drug and alcohol addiction and cuts covering my entire body, I found a scheme called apprenticeships and I got given one in a wonderful nursery. This helped to quit drinking and weed, which I still work at now and have completed my level two and nearly my level three!!!
But I’m still not over you. I find it so hard to go into the city centre to shop, a friend is having a 20th birthday party but I don’t know if I can go because some of you will be there, and if you hurt me I know I’ll break down, you see I always thought I’d need you dead before I could live my life, but I don’t. I’m living it now; I’m starting to get over you guys, and I never died, although you wanted it that way.

I’m sorry
me

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