Dear Former Best Friend,
I’m sorry i get drunk and do stupid stuff and i can’t believe i stole that $200 bucks from you. But i hope you know its going for a good thing, my court, and dont act like your mom or dad cant give you more money. I literally have noone and i have to take care of my brother. Yes, you have a kid but you have multiple people who wil help you. I have noone. Literally. I feel horrible but if there was one thing i wish it would be that i just took the whole wallet and i know that makes me a horrible person. Sorry that i did that. But im more sorry i got caught. This is me apologizing. I can now say that i told someone and i feel tons better.Ill make it up to you one day.
Dear Former Best Friend,
You remember our senior year of high school? On yearbook staff? We were sitting in the corner of that back room, nearest the door. And like typical yearbook staffers, we were not working on the yearbook. We were just chatting, like we always did, and somehow suicide came up. And I don’t know what made you say it, but you said, “If you ever kill yourself, I’m going to punch your corpse at the funeral.”
It was at that moment, when I was 17 years old, that I realized — for the first time since I was ten and made the plans — that I could not kill myself when I turned 18. That it would be a travesty to those who know and love me. I had never known it before then. Before that day, mere months before my eighteenth birthday, the plan had been to off myself on the 22nd of December. And it would have been so easy.
But you, Kiley, you made such a huge impact on my life and how I viewed it that day. I don’t know if I ever told you, but I know I should have. We are no longer close and I don’t believe you feel so strongly about my death as you once did, but I owe you the greatest thank you. Thank you.
It’s been just over a month since you backed out on our ‘follow-our-dreams’ plan, and I’ve barely talked to you since. I know I told that I was okay with you not moving out west with me and that I supported your decision, but I really wasn’t. Maybe it’s because you waited until we were in LA looking for a place to live to make a decision or maybe it’s because you stopped calling me once a week after that trip or maybe it’s because you ran off to Europe for a month. I’m hurt because I was excited, and I quit my job, and I severed my agency contract because we were a WEEK away from moving. And I can’t afford to move by myself yet. Now I’m frustrated and I feel so lost and I am so pissed because you backed out on me. My dreams are put on hold, I’m floundering for another job so I can start saving AGAIN so I can live alone, and you went to Europe (a place we were going to travel to together). You haven’t even bothered to send me an e-mail telling me your okay. It’s not fair – my life comes to a grinding halt because of the choice you made and in exchange you get to see the world. I don’t get a lot of support from my family in regards to my career and my desire to move (to pursue my career) and I thought, of all people, you wouldn’t let me down. But I forgive you. I know you were going through a rough time, and I know you don’t know where your life is headed. I just wanted you to know that it hurt me, but I’ll figure it all out – I usually do because “baby, I’m a star”. You probably won’t read this; I don’t want to say all this to you over the phone either, but on the off chance you see this: I forgive you, and I support you, and I hope all your dreams come true.
Your former roommate
“You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” -Douglas MacArthur
I do not want or need your advice on how I should go about becoming a better photographer. Yes, we’re both photojournalism students; yes, you’re a semester ahead of me in the program. But that does not make me inferior, it does not make me any less knowledgeable than you, and it does not mean you can constantly tell me what I should and should not shoot. There are things, yes, that would look cool photographically. But those things interest YOU. Not me. You are the one who supports and would know how to best photograph anti-abortion bigots. I am interested in helping the common man with my work. I am interested in taking a stand for what is right, photographing the ills of society so I can help make them better. I know you don’t understand that there are important issues in the world beyond taking away rights that aren’t yours to take away, but I do understand that. And I will do something about it with my work. So I would very much appreciate it if you would not again tell me that what I want to shoot is wrong, or stupid, or unimportant. And I would appreciate it if you would cease and desist any commentary on what I should be doing. I will shoot what I want, and you will shoot what you want. I think if you can understand this, we will be much better friends.
Thank you, Rachel
Dear innocent one,
I have dropped so many hints, Bit back so many remarks, Been by your side through heaven and hell, Even found your letter on this sight, And it is to someone else, Am i not enough? Is your innocense blinding you to me or are you purposefully keeping your eyes closed? My chest feels like a knife is through it, You are beautiful, though you dont see it You are sexy, though you dont know it You are smart, though you deny it I tell you these things everyday Is that not enough? -not so innocent one
I know I’m losing you. I know I’m losing you to a mental disorder I can barely admit I’m having. One that I know you suffer from too.
I can’t look you in the eye and tell you to stop running from your problems because I’m having the same ones. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but I don’t want to let you slip away. But whenever I’m around you and we talk about something more than the weather I know you’ll end up triggering me.
I guess I’ll have to face you soon enough and my problems too.
-Your best mate.
Dude, I’m tired and and frustrated. The things you’ve been telling me lack clarity. You’re dancing around the issues. Come out and say it and then we can have a dialogue. Knaw mean?
I mean I think I get. I’ve had a family member in a similar situation. I would not want to broadcast it to the world. But you’ve chosen to. Or have you? Your lack of clarity may be founded in a lack of courage. So why don’t you pull up ‘em britchest,negotiate what it means to you, and hit this mother outta the park? That would be more interesting than awkward fantasy.
ok well…. this isn’t helping, is it?
It’s only been a day since you passed away, and I’ve been crying ever since. What hurts more is that I’m half-way across the world at University and I couldn’t be there to say my final goodbyes. You were more than just a dog, you were a companion when I had nobody else, you were my childhood personified, you’d been in my life from when I was just a little toddler. Some people may think that a loss of a pet does not cause as much grief, but I feel like a part of me has gone missing, and there’s no way to retrieve it. What brings me comfort is that you’re probably feeling at ease now, and you lived a long life where you gave and received a whole lot of love from those around you. I love you and miss you so much, I’ll never forget you. Ever.
(Editor’s Note: To the author of this letter, if you’d like to e-mail me an actual picture of your dog, I would love to include it in this letter. Just let me know.)