Dear me,
Stop. Don’t fall back into this hole you’re letting yourself get into again. The self-injury, the OTC drug abuse, the starvation. You’re worth so much more than this. You’re a strong and beautiful young woman, and if you stop letting yourself believe it, you’ll be that greasy, scarred, weak mess again. And you do not want that. Remember that.
Love, Me
Dear person I am inside,
This summer has been crap. I just wanted to let you know that. I wish the pit in my stomach would go away, but I don’t think it ever will. This week just served to push everything over the edge. I HATE LIFE right now. The only thing keeping me going is that I know suicide is never the answer, but it would stop the pain, wouldn’t it? What’s worse is everyone thinks I’m ok. NEWS FLASH: I’m not. Open your freaking eyes and see something that doesn’t involve you! God, I hate people.
This might sound dramatic, but how will I ever get over this crappy summer. I’ve been chewed up and puked out and then my heart ripped from my chest and sewed back in without anesthesia. Fun? I don’t think so! Thank you, everyone, for caring…not. I just wish someone would notice me, just anyone ask me how I really am and care enough to know the person I am inside. Please someday will I have that? I wish I could say I still believe that…I but my trust that everything will turn out okay or that anyone cares is slowly fading away.
Until then,
The person everyone sees outside
Dear me,
You’re 19 today. It’s been a full year since you vowed to kill yourself, and you’re still here. Happy birthday.
Love,
Me
Follow @LOVEISLOUDER and @UnwrittenLetter on Twitter
Dear Brain,
I know you’ve been fighting this since the dawn of my attraction to anyone, but I’m not going to let you do this to me anymore. For almost 6 years I have been letting you convince me to ignore these thoughts, and I won’t allow it anymore. I’m tired of being incapable to accept myself. I hate that I’ve let this go on for so long. I’ve finally accepted who my heart makes me. I am me. And I am bi.
Love, Accepting Me
Dear Jess in 2008,
Thank you for taking the time to heal from all of the trauma American Boy put you through. You realized how strong a 5’1″ woman can be when needed. You finally, after years of hurt and “daddy issues,” found out that you are a smart, beautiful, capable, funny woman. Trust me when I tell you that 2011 will be your year. You will go to school (FINALLY), be comfortable and confident in your own skin, and won’t need to pretend to be anything you are not. Your friends, the new ones, and the ones that were there for you three years ago- they’re little pieces of magic, and mostly they let you shine. Although, honestly, there’s still a few that you let take too much. Stop doing that now! You don’t need it. Finally, there’s a man. A man, not a boy. He knows how to treat you, and you’re so stubborn you’re still trying to destroy it. Let it go. Ryan is not American Boy or any of the others. Ryan is Ryan. Do NOT ever feel like you are not enough for him. You are. If he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t. You even said last night, that you’d marry him, not to him of course. Stop thinking about 2008, as it’s in the past. Live for now, and for the future. Just breathe once in awhile, take stock in your life, and LOVE. Love with your whole glued back together heart. Girl you did it!
I love you
Jess in 2011. (A slightly older, wiser version)
Dear Diet,
I know we were doing well, but, I couldn’t help myself. I ordered a pizza. I’m sorry, I wish I could say it wasn’t better than you, but then I’d be a liar on top of a cheater. Please don’t hate me. We can work this out.
Love,
Jessica
Dear broken families,
There seems to be alot of us. An overpopulation of sadness. Know you’re not alone. I’m one of those kids, I understand. The loneliness, the sadness, the loss. You hear people talking about their families. You hardly even understand what the word family means because you didnt grow up seeing it. Don’t. If this is you you’re not alone. I know that now and thank God I knew that when I reached for my shaver to slit my wrist. Things just weren’t going right and when you’re in that situation, what is there left to run to? I had a greater power that helped me to not even pick up the razor but to burst into to tears and run to him. It is God – with a love strong like no other, with a presence so powerful, how could you ever feel alone? I run to you, and I hope even more than just the broken families do too.
Signed,
Anonymous but loving the Lord
Dear anorexia,
A few years ago, you told me all those sweet, sweet lies about perfection and happiness. You made me lie to all those people that care about me, made me starve myself, you made me think I was “in control” when I was just sick… You defeated me then… And I wasn’t the only one. The battle’s not over, and it takes a lot of strength to defeat you, I have to say. Every single day.
However, I’ve noticed that you have found an even more painful way to torture me. Now you’re doing that to the love of my life, and I’m doing my best to save her from you before it’s too late… I’m constantly scared, that my best isn’t enough, though.
It’s not over, though. You might make me feel scared, powerless, guilty, hopeless, broken, lonely, lost, ugly, worthless… You might think that all those problems and challenges that I’m facing should make me such a vulnerable, easy target right now, but I promise, that this time I’ll be stronger than you.
Go to hell,
D.
Dear You (aka me),
It’s been a tough year and you’ve been stuck in a rut for way too long. You’ve felt like you couldn’t breathe more times than you can count, and you’re finally realizing who the people around you really are. But please oh please, don’t give up. Life is going to change. It doesn’t seem like it, but it has to. There’s no way life can feel any more desolate, bleak, and unending as it does right now.
Everything you’ve ever dreamed of is right at your fingertips. You just never realized it. Even though that college degree has been in your hands for almost a year now, you’ve never felt like you deserved it. You never felt you had more to bring than anyone else. You were scared. You were weak. You made dumb choices.
But you’re starting to realize your potential. So just keep going on. Don’t let everyone get to you. It will get better.
Love, Me (aka you)
Comments