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Dear You (aka Me)

3 Apr

Dear You (aka me),

It’s been a tough year and you’ve been stuck in a rut for way too long. You’ve felt like you couldn’t breathe more times than you can count, and you’re finally realizing who the people around you really are. But please oh please, don’t give up. Life is going to change. It doesn’t seem like it, but it has to. There’s no way life can feel any more desolate, bleak, and unending as it does right now.
Everything you’ve ever dreamed of is right at your fingertips. You just never realized it. Even though that college degree has been in your hands for almost a year now, you’ve never felt like you deserved it. You never felt you had more to bring than anyone else. You were scared. You were weak. You made dumb choices.
But you’re starting to realize your potential. So just keep going on. Don’t let everyone get to you. It will get better.

Love, Me (aka you)

Dear Self

31 Mar

Dear self
I just want to be skinny and beautiful. I have unconsciously become obsessed with eating well. To the point where I’d rather not eat at all if there’s nothing good.
At points I get frustrated and contemplate not eating, or throwing it back up, and it scares me. I don’t want to go back there.
I want to be strong and independent, so I’ve stopped telling people when stuff is wrong. I just hope it bends me and doesn’t break me.

Sincerely, lost

Dear Me

30 Mar

Dear Me,

Don’t worry. Stop it. That nightmare is over now. You’re okay.

Just forget it and keep moving on.

Sincerely,
You.

Dear Headaches

22 Feb

Dear Headaches,

Please stop. I’m already stressed about love, life, and school. I really can’t handle anything at the moment.

Just go away.

-L.

Dear Life

21 Feb

Dear Life,

I’m turning 16 in six days. Six. All I want for my birthday this year is to remember what it’s like to be happy. Truly happy. Happy where I don’t start feeling empty and numb two seconds later. I want to stop wanting to cut. I want to stop having to hide my true self. I want to stop having to lie and tell everyone I’m alright. I know it’s a lot, but it’s my 16th birthday. Can I please, PLEASE just have these? I won’t ask for anything else for my birthday.

Love,
Me

Dear Self-Esteem

19 Feb

Dear Self-Esteem,
Please, give me a chance. I’m perfectly capable of doing things others can, right? Why do you always have to be unsure about everything? Why does it take you so long to believe in me?
Sure, a lot of things have hurt you. You’ve been bruised by other people, things that have happened in your life, and most importantly that nasty voice in my head that always likes to pick on you. Sometimes you’re really getting better, you’re not so sick…and then other times it feels like you’re fading away.
Maybe if you cheered up a bit, maybe if you remembered that although it has its ups and downs life is beautiful, and you are worthy.
Maybe if you realised that you need to get better before somebody can officially appreciate and love you, and me…us.
Maybe if you start to perhaps believe compliments? Don’t be so afraid of judgements and people disliking you?
Don’t worry, I can see you’re doing better. I’m proud of you. It’s scary, but it’s a journey. Don’t be jealous of other people whose self esteem is perfect. So, you may be a little faulty…at least you’re working towards something.
Kisses,
The girl that owns you.

Dear Death

12 Feb

Dear Death,
Thank you for not responding to my summons. Last year I tried to kill myself, and I failed. You can not possibly know how grateful I am for that now. I see the good in life, and I see just how much I would have missed out on. I see the children that have been born into my family that I never would have met. I see all the things I couldn’t when my mind was shrouded by depression. Thank you thank you thank you for not fetching me. I get the feeling you will not have to for a long time.
Thank you again,
Me

Dear Life

22 Jan

Dear Life,

So, you have been making me really nervous lately, and not for any good reason, either. You see, I want to write a book.  Well, not just a book.  Many books.  I want to be an author.  Preferably, a well-known and well-loved author but a normal one with a small fan base will do.

Unfortunately, you have been filling me up with doubts lately.  Some are completely unfounded.  Yesterday, I worried I was too old to become an author.  I’m 20-years-old!  That’s too young to do most things!  That’s not old at all!  Other worries are reasonable.  Maybe I’m not good enough, or marketable enough, or connected enough, or interesting enough to make it.  Maybe I’ll never achieve my goals.  Maybe I’ll get screwed over.

But, you know what Life?  I am 20-freaking-years-old.  I am going to college, I am practicing my writing, and I am studying like a mad-woman!  Yes, these fears are valid, but I have plenty of time to gain the skills I need to try.  I can worry later.

So, Life, why do you insist on filling me with fears now?  It really worries me.

Step off,

Anxious

Dear Everybody

18 Jan

Dear Everybody,

Every time you compliment me, I feel like something inside me breaks. I guess that’s wrong, but, on the other hand, there are so many things in my life that are wrong. I lie to everybody, and yet I talk to people about honesty and the importance of being yourself… I say I don’t care about what anybody thinks about me, but nobody actually knows me – because I guess I’m too scared of being rejected for who I am. If I talk too much, I feel like I’m being annoying. If I talk too little, I feel like I’m going to explode from everything that I keep inside. I sometimes get panic attacks at night, and I guess it’s because I get left alone with myself.

I guess if I didn’t care, everybody would know the truth about me, and my life wouldn’t be like some kind of a surreal movie. But I’m too freaked out to talk about my issues even with my family… Yet I know I can’t live like this anymore. I hate the world, and I guess it’s because I hate myself.

Please, don’t be too hard on me when I’ll tell you the truth. I may appear brave, cold, strong… Almost reckless… But, in reality, I’m just tired, unloved and really scared of being rejected.

Yours,
A huge, self-hating liar

Dear Me

15 Jan

Dear me,

Please let all that he’s done in the past escape from you.  He’s different now.  You’re not her.  He didn’t love her like he loves you.  Not even close, and everyone can see it.  Please realize this so that you can finally embrace the inner peace you deserve.

Love,
Me

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